Tell me, have you ever given it your all to someone you considered to be the center of your world? This isn’t some sort of a metaphore… It’s is about truly giving it your all, from the moment you wake up all the way till the moment you go to bed. In between every interval of breathing in and out, for that person to always be the highest priority no matter what. And then… did you get to hear that it’s not enough. No matter what you do and no matter how hard you are willing to try. No matter how much you are willing to sacrifice and change… it will never be enough. Things have escalated to the point of no return and the only thing left for you to do is accept that it will never go back to the way it used to be. The way you looked with dreamy eyes at eachother, feeling the butterflies in your stomach whenever you get to see eachother smile, especially the shy ones. Knowing that life is good and everything is going to be alright as long as you have eachother to turn to when things get hard. The people you have shared your darkest secrets with and allowed yourself to be vulnerable around. Giving them the power to completely destroy you, but trusting them not to…
Everyone seems to be an expert when it comes to heartbreak. Telling you things such as “it’s going to be alright, it just wasn’t meant to be” or “There is someone out there who is the right one for you”. The truth is, they don’t know a damn thing about heartbreak till they have experienced what it’s like to have someone like that in their life, just for it to be gone in an instant without ever seeing it coming. Hell, even if you did see it coming, there is nothing you can ever do to mentally prepare or be okay with this. The easiest description for how you feel is… pain. How is one able to accept the fact that they have to move on just because the person they cared the most about decided that it’s the best for the both of you?
The answer is, you can’t. You can’t just accept that your world has collided and crumbled down to your feet. Everything you have built up, all the sacrifices you have made and all the plans you had for the next 50 years. *poof* gone like smoke into the dust to never return. No wonder the desperation starts kicking in. You are trying to keep the dust together, to never let it go. But… it’s not that simple. Once it turns into dust, it won’t just rebuild itself to the beautiful world it once was. If anything, it’s going to be a lot harder to rebuild everything because you will first have to fix every single piece before you can put the puzzle back together. Yet here we are, with some hope and whatever there is left from your pride.
Slowly you’re starting to realize that nothing will make you accept it. But instead it puts you into a state of depression. Stress factors start growing. You can’t seem to fall asleep. You don’t feel hunger. Yet there you are, with a mask that you have created as a result from all of this, showing everyone nothing but your best side. Making them see that you are a wonderful person. And it works. People believe you and enjoy spending time with you. You make new friends and you got everything you would essentially need to have a nice social life. But that’s not the truth of how you really feel now is it… Behind the mask, you went so far, that you have now caged yourself. Trapped…
You look into the mirror and you see yourself smiling. But, what’s behind that smile? You can see it can’t you? The tears that flow from your eyes down your cheeks. The screams… they are the worst. Begging you to let you out. But you are too scared. You just have hope that things will actually be better. And secretly hoping that there is someone out there who can see these tears and hear the screams behind the mask as loudly as you do every single day when you see yourself…
Don’t… just stop. Stop saying you’re fine when you are not. Stop trying to hide how you truly feel. Stop trying to hope for things to go back to the way they once were. I know that it’s hard. It hurts more than anything you have ever felt before. I get it. You are starting to wonder how your life could have been if you made different life choices. That you maybe could have done this differently. “or maybe that… or maybe…”
Just stop already…
If you can relate to everything I just described and actually came this far in this story, I only got 1 thing to say to you… Don’t chase those who are okay with losing you.
It doesn’t matter if things would be different today if you made different life choices. You have so much to offer. Don’t let one person make you feel any other way, just because they don’t see it and make you feel like your everything just isn’t good enough. “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”. You possess the treasure inside you that many people out there are seeking for a while now. Guide those people, give them some leads. But most importantly, remain being yourself. You are perfect just the way you are. Never forget that…
