A little short story

Have you ever lost the only reason that was keeping you from ending it all? I did and it was the worst moment of my entire life. I am sure you already waiting for a bad one coming your way but wait, before you leave, sit tight and bare with me. I used to be the most hyped, happy, lively person you could find, I always tried cheering everyone up, specially her, that one girl that would make my world better than what it already was. I would feel great just by seeing her smile, I would be ready to make it happen, no matter what it took but everything changed one day. It was during my birthday four years ago and everything was going great, I turned 19 that day, I was having a crazy day, it was simply filled with good energies, good people and then everything went super negative. Now, in order to keep this text a bit more “controlled”, I will use simpler words: she took her own life that same day after I dropped her home. She was dealing with a huge depression, panic attacks and even with professional help, nothing changed. Even with me making sure she would feel happy everyday, it didn’t change. I can simply tell you that my world got crushed that day, I lost the love of my life that day and I swear that I thought to myself that I would never be able to stand up and become a happy person anymore.

And until November 2019, I would have a mental breakdown every time these subjects were brought to a conversation: depression, suicide, anxiety. It was simply too much for me too handle and to process. However, I decided to turn everything around, I started thinking that she wouldn’t want me to feel sad despite the events, she would want me to keep my chin up and my smile going because that’s what made her fall in love with me when she was alive and I fell in love with an angel. It wasn’t as easy as I make it sounds but what I want to say with this is that things do get better, it may seem like you are stuck in an endless spiral of negativity, bad vibes. Let me tell you something: you are not stuck, you are able to move, it will take a while for you to move on and start becoming a better person in terms of how you feel but I will simply give you some tips for it (I used every single of them with myself):

  1. Surround yourself with good friends and people who are willing to build you up because how are you supposed to grow as a person if your inner circle keeps you down?
  2. Take deep breaths whenever you are starting to feel stressed or overthinking. Try to find a space where you feel alone and comfortable and then try to vent to your friends whenever you feel like you can tell them.
  3. Don’t treat depression nor anxiety like a simple thing like: “Oh having depression is simply being lazy and saying everything sucks”. It is way more than simply that, try to understand it if you have someone around you who has those feelings.
  4. Exercise and meditate. These two help you keep your mind busy and it also benefits your mental and physical health since they play a big role in your life.
  5. Don’t hold back on your feelings towards for someone. If you like them, tell them. If you miss them, tell them, call them, message them. If you are not feeling well because of something they said or did, tell them. Holding feelings only leads to overthinking and it can make a simple thing seem way worse than what it really is.
  6. You attract towards you what you are as person. If you want good vibes and good people around you, don’t you think it’s time to start evolving?

These were the most impactful ones that worked wonders on me and they are still working. Till this day, I still use them and let me tell you, I wouldn’t use any other but I suggest you seek professional advice before you apply them. But to end on a good note, I just want to say that you are all loved and beautiful people, if you manage to read this all the way through, let me know how you handle your problems and how you manage to overcome them. Have a great week everyone.

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